


feed the beast within

by nygmaniacs



Category: The Punisher (TV 2017)
Genre: Amnesia, Betrayal, Character Death, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Season 2 spoilers, sort of a fix it because the way it ended wasnt satisfying at all
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-20
Updated: 2019-01-20
Packaged: 2019-10-13 08:35:31
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,537
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17484785
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nygmaniacs/pseuds/nygmaniacs
Summary: Billy was alone in the cellar where Curt's group met once a week. Had Frank cared enough, then he would have found some weird symbolism in those words.





	feed the beast within

**Author's Note:**

> Billy's end did not satisfy me at all, mainly because he couldn’t even remember what he had done to Frank, so Frank killing him seemed kind of pointless to me. 
> 
> Might be a little OOC, there also might be inaccuracies regarding the US military, sorry!

Curtis called Frank right after his call with Billy ended, that's what Curt told him, at least and Frank trusted him. Especially with any information regarding Bill. Curt was a good man but he knew that Frank had to be there with Bill when he died. Either to finish him off or just to watch it happen. 

 

When Frank got the call, he had immediately put his gun in his belt and was determined to end it once and for all. 

 

Billy was alone in the cellar where Curt's group met once a week. Had Frank cared enough, then he would have found some weird symbolism in those words. Maybe something about Billy dying all alone in a place where broken people came together, so they wouldn't feel all that alone. No, Frank really wasn’t one for symbolism and metaphors, they made fucked up things seem beautiful and cute.

 

He didn’t know what he had expected when he stepped into the room but it definitely wasn't what he ended up seeing. Curt had told him Billy hadn't sounded good, that he was most likely closer to death than they thought but Frank had still thought that maybe Billy would put up a last fight. 

 

In the end, the sight that met him was pathetic. Billy was sprawled out on the floor, head leaning up against the wall and a puddle of his own blood right under him. The smell of blood was strong and Frank grimaced a little. He was used to it, no doubt but this was yet another person who he had once cared for and that was still the blood of the man he had once considered a brother, maybe even more than that. It had made his betrayal sting just a little more. 

 

"Curt... Curtis...," Billy choked out before his eyes landed on Frank. A small smile spread out on his face. Frank's stoic expression remained. 

 

He stared at the man lying on the floor and for the first time, he could really take in the sight of him. Frank hadn't really gotten close enough to Billy to actually see the damage he had done but he couldn't help but feel a little bit disappointed. He thought the scars on Billy's face could've definitely been more and looked more gruesome. Fuck modern medicine. Still, it was enough damage to hurt Billy where it counted. It would've been better if he could remember, though. God, did Frank wish he remembered. 

 

"Frankie," Billy said and closed his eyes momentarily. Frank just watched on, his fingers itching for the gun in his belt. Billy laughed and it quickly turned into a coughing fit. This really was the end and Frank decided that he would drag this out a little more. Make Bill suffer a little more. It was justice. 

 

"You don't look so good," Bill spoke up again and really, that was such a Bill-thing to say, Frank wanted to snort and roll his eyes. Only Bill would comment on his looks while he was the one dying from three gunshots. Frank stared at him. He shouldn't think fondly of Billy Russo. Whatever they had, it was done. It ended that night at Central Park, even if Frank hadn't yet known at the time.

 

"If I'm gonna be with somebody, I'm... I'm happy it's you," Bill went on and Frank took a deep breath, counting to ten inside his head. This was all he had wanted. He wanted the people responsible for his family's death dead and now the last person was lying in front of him. But he had decided a long time ago that he never wanted Bill's death. He wanted him to suffer, he wanted him to feel the pain but he never wanted him dead. 

 

Dinah wanted him dead. Curtis wanted him dead. Frank never wanted him dead. As much as he wanted to deny it, he never wanted Billy Russo dead and some part of him, a tiny little part, hurt. This was his friend, his brother, his partner, the one person besides his wife and kids who had ever mattered to him, the person who had betrayed him and it still hurt so fucking much. 

 

Billy winced in pain, face scrunching up in a grimace. "Frank, whatever I've done, I'm-"

 

"Shut up," Frank said quietly, interrupting Billy effectively. "Just shut up." 

 

And Bill did. He stared up at him, face still scrunched up in pain but he didn't continue. On some level, he understood that Frank needed this. 

 

"You can't remember," he said matter-of-factly. Bill stayed quiet but shook his head. 

 

"We were friends, Bill. I loved you and you-" he interrupted himself, pinching the bridge of his nose and shaking his head. It was pointless, wasn’t it? All of this was pointless if Bill couldn't even fucking remember. He would die without ever knowing what he did. It was too merciful. Sure, Frank could tell him but it would never be the same as knowing. It was frustrating. It was fucked up. This whole thing was just fucked up. 

 

Frank sighed, looking down at Billy. His fingers still itched for his gun but he decided that this was not how it should end. Instead, he crouched down in front of his once best friend and inhaled sharply. No, he decided, killing Bill would not give him satisfaction and it sure as hell wouldn't give him peace. He hadn’t wanted to do it before and he didn't want to do it now. Frank sat down and slid over next to Bill, pressing his shoulder against the other man's. 

 

For a moment, it was quiet between them, the only sound in the room were Bill's pathetic attempts to breathe that ended in him choking on his own blood and coughing. Frank stared at the wall. 

 

"You remember... you remember that one time during basic training?" Frank started and glanced at Bill, not really expecting an answer. "We were still young and green behind the ears and thought we could do anything. There were quite a few times where we got knocked back on our asses, more times for you, of course. We thought... we thought that we were hot shit and no one could hurt us. Bill, do you remember that night? They dropped us off god knows where with a compass and a map and we were supposed to find our way back. Basic shit. But somehow I ended up twisting my fucking ankle so bad I couldn't fucking walk. 

 

You could've left me there, called an ambulance or the sergeant with the emergency phone he gave us but your stubborn ass decided it was either both of us or none of us. And you dragged me all the way back to the base without complaining once. 

 

That was the night I realised that you were stuck with me forever, Bill. We had barely known each other and you still decided to carry me back to base, although you had the option to leave me behind, come in first and win this stupid survival competition. You have always wanted to be on top and yet... we were the last ones to come in but you didn't say shit once. You didn't complain and whine about it and you didn't blame me. All this time you just made sure I was okay," he paused, shaking his head. 

 

"I miss that, Bill." 

 

Billy, who had been silent safe for a few coughs throughout the story, had a faraway look in his eyes. 

 

Any moment now. 

 

He slowly turned his head and swallowed thickly. "Even back then you've been... you've been the only person in my life that actually mattered," he said, a sad smile on his face.

 

"Frankie, I need you to know-" 

 

He broke off into a violent coughing fit, blood dripping out of his mouth and smearing over his lips. 

 

Frank opened his mouth but Billy shook his head, a weak hand reaching out and fisting the fabric of Frank's jacket. Frank took his hand and squeezed. 

 

"I don't- I don't remember but whatever I've done, I'm sorry, Frankie. I'm so sorry." 

 

Frank didn't have it in him to push Bill away but he also didn't have it in him to forgive him. What Billy had done was unforgivable but how could he hold this against someone who didn't even remember what he did? 

 

Frank couldn't emphasise how fucked up this situation was any more. It was fucked up and it was unfair, Bill should remember. Bill should know. He should know how much he hurt Frank but he didn't and it was unfair. It was unfair that after he had lost his whole family, he also had to lose the only man who had ever come as close as family as his real one. It was unfair. 

 

It was unfair that he had to watch as Billy's body slowly stilled, as he took his last wheezing breath with a smile on his lips, as his hand grew slack. 

 

Frank stayed there, holding Bill's hand and stared up at the ceiling until Curtis came in a few hours later and led him away. 

 

His hand was stained with Bill's blood.


End file.
